omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
