i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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