And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
