I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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