no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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