I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
