dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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