Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
