Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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