Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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