theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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