if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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