in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
