Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
