I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My ass is underappreciated
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
