I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
