Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i believe in u and ur pee
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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