i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's blow job season.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
