so explain again why im purple
no
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
