Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
