worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
