It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
