Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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