i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
