so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize