It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
