3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
