Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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