You really coming over, don't trick.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
