So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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