Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
