I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need a beard to bite.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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