My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
