The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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