her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
