I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
