The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
