dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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