i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
