Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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