oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
