Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My cat gives me a boner
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
