last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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