i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
