my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize