Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
