but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
