Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
