I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
