she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
