He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
