i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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