My hand turned me down
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
