It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
