she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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