The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Houston, we have a blender
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
