This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
