I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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