She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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