dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
