i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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