My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
