Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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