I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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