i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
