they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
