Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
